WHAT EVERYONE IS SAYING ABOUT SUPPORTING YOUR LOVED ONES
Society is full of negative commenters and naysayers, but the negativity seems to be more prevalent among black folks. Your friends, your family, co-workers, black Twitter, even the person you sleep next to every night could be trying to keep you from standing out and doing something great. The stories of how long black people have been in competition with one another go back generation after generation. We were played against each other in the division of skin complexion, segregation within our own race. Is the undertone to compete and tear one another down still alive?
It doesn't matter if we are at school, corporate jobs or the beauty and barbershops, we boast and brag of our positions on black culture all day, but won't support our evolution. Niggas will argue over who is the “Best Rapper” of all time, and who’s in their top five, but wouldn't even buy all five of those artist albums if they dropped on the same day/week/month.
No need to complain about the progression of black businesses, it's our own fault. Oprah struggled to keep viewers when she launched her own TV network. She laid off employees and canceled shows to contribute to her legacy and the legacy of ancestors like Madame C.J. Walker. It's hard enough to get ahead in society, but then we tend to send the message that we won't support you until we see you can survive the struggle, it's unfortunate. We support reality TV because it sometimes speaks directly to the struggle, and we can relate. It doesn't matter that reality TV makes us look shallow as a unit, with no vision and real direction in life.
Jay-Z spoke about his struggles as a black man in business:
“I feel like Youtube is the biggest culprit
Them n*ggas pay you a tenth of what you supposed to get
You know n*ggas die for equal pay right?
You know when I work I am not your slave, right?
You know I am not shucking and jiving and high fiving You know this isn't back in the days right?
But I can’t tell, how the way they killed Freddie Gray right Shot down Mike Brown how they did Tray right?
Let them continue choking n*ggas We going to turn style, I am not your token n*gga You know I came in this game independent right?
Tidal, my own label, same difference”
A lot of people fear the thought of following their own happiness because of the criticism they will get from family members and friends. So you choose to live life miserable and in fear of change. We close our minds to possibilities of life outside of our comfort zone. I was ignorant too, thinking my opinion mattered to someone else's plans. We don't even support black love; look at how much we try to tear up black power couples, by contributing to the gossip.
When lemonade dropped, we instantly believed Beyonce was talking about Jay-Z cheating on her. Why, because it's unrealistic for a black couple to honor their vows, and treat each other with love and respect? Or is it because Beyonce is a black woman and black men don’t respect them anyway, so of course he cheats on her with a white girl, right? Or is it because black men have been fucking up their families for generations, leaving the black woman to do his job and her job, and his daughter to deal with the pain of his absence in her future relationship? White people said it too, but we didn't rally behind Jay and Bey and uplift black love regardless. We didn’t encourage them to stay in love as a symbol of faith and hope to our culture. We jumped on the bandwagon and spoke on the affair with conviction as if we were there when it happened, zero respeck. It's controversy; blatant disrespect is a part of the struggle we relate to.
You can't control a whole culture, and it's too exhausting trying to change the mindset of several generations. You have to control yourself and hope we can start to see change one person at a time. Because of our history, when you step outside of your own comfort zone, more than likely your stepping way outside of the comfort zone of the people around you. You can't help but start to feel like the people who are supposed to celebrate you, probably make your struggles harder to reach your success. It's a sign that you’re not conforming to limits. Some people straight up discourage your dreams and tell you you're crazy, wasting your time. The most deadly ones play smart and keep quiet or just act nonchalant about what you're doing. It's their way of keeping from feeling any obligations or heartbreak if you don't succeed. Support doesn't cost anything but a few thoughtful words. Your own family won't even support you sometimes, but your values and goals are worth more than anything you've ever desired to achieve, it's why you desire it in the first place. Even after you're successful, people from your past like to throw jabs about how they still don't get it. You have to filter out the haters. In the end, all you need is your own self-assurance to make it happen.
There is more than one way to show your support. Your wife is saying she wants to start college; you listen, but you don't respond, and in her mind you're not supportive. A listening ear is just as valuable as any response. You just have to know your audience and anticipate their needs. Hell, ask if they want feedback or input, ask them questions about the plans. There are no excuses for showing someone you’re interested. You don't have to have an opinion, but you can always show support through engaging curiosity.
When I was laid off early in my career, I went to a few people and asked them to help me shop my resume around. Being referred by an existing associate of a company could have increased my odds for an interview. Most people made up an excuse about the way their job is setup, and the others agreed to pass my information on, but I never got any follow-up. I was sure they would come through since there was a strong possibility they could cash in on a referral bonus, up to a couple of thousand dollars. Of course, there are risks to endorsing anyone, but I thought they knew enough about my work ethic to vouch since these were colleagues of mine. Some people us yes as a tactful way of saying no, don't take that personal; it is what it is. I realized these people gave all they could give at that time. Their support didn't mean they would go above and beyond, and break their back just to vouch for me.
Your new endeavors matter to YOU, so it's normal to be sensitive about your shit. Wanting validation and support is human, but don’t waste time blaming other people for something you are capable of accomplishing yourself. Be grateful for the few people who are willing to bend over backward to see you happy and help you reach your goals. Those are your real Day 1's; take them with you to infinity and beyond. People are busy as fuck, dealing with everyday struggles of life. The people closest to us sometimes aren't even available enough mentally to give you the level of support you want or maybe they don't know you even expect support from them.
Surround yourself with people who show you the same appreciation for what you can or can't give them. Don't bend over backward for people, expecting for them to do the same for you; it doesn't always work out that way, and if we give more of ourselves as leverage to expect something extra in return, then you're doing it for the wrong reason, and you will always be disappointed. Maybe your people don't possess the skills and knowledge to connect with you intellectually, and giving money is always an issue especially if you aren't soliciting for money with a blueprint of how you're going to pay it back. "The talk" with your circle of friends and family is almost inevitable. Part of their lack of awareness support plays into them disregarding the work you're trying to fulfill. Be clear that the goal you're working towards is important.
Being co-dependent is hella stressful in any relationship, even parents get stressed out. If you've articulated your needs, but you're still not getting the support from the people around you; then the issue is deeper than support. It's time to reevaluate your circle; it could be holding you back. Seek the support you need inside, from God, and yourself.
Be self-sufficient. Start by getting your feelings off your chest. What do you need? Is it spiritual guidance? Do you need someone physically with you? Do you need a listening ear? Do you need encouragement? Do you need collaborative ideas? Or Do you need a connect/money/sponsorship?
Now how you can get it on your own? There is always a way to make it happen:
If you need intellect and ideas: read books, get online, research your industry and see what’s popping, make it your own.
If you need emotional support: join a club, support groups, chat worlds, anything you need it's out there.
If you need a connect: you're going to have to work a little harder because where I'm from you only share you're connect with a trusted sources.
But I don't think that's the connect you need. Reach out to people humbly and ask around, there are so many individuals who are willing to help you. Do your homework first, make it easy enough that other people don't have to think for you. Be respectful and gracious, the world is full of no and naysayers, but there are some very helpful people out here too. Acknowledge what's going on in their world and support them first. Pay it forward and patronize their business. Set up a mutual respect for the hard work, empathize with it; and show you are a believer of goal reaching.
Don't be affected by the people who are straight up calling your plans crazy. It means there is something great in what you’re doing, and there is value in the future payout. Misery loves company, and its criticism comes directly from our inner fears and beliefs. Family can sometimes share in disapproval; discouraging words are never factual, but maybe they don’t know any other way to express their concerns. I'm not one to shut out other people's opinions; I welcome feedback, and I receive it with open ears and mind. I consciously evaluate others opinions or concerns and address them accordingly; take heed to what's relevant and beneficial, and throw the meaningless shit away. I address concerns one time and one time only, the second time around you get blocked. At that point I don't think it matters what I do or say, the person will never be happy.
Stay focused on your goals; priorities are shown in actions, and your work speaks for itself. At the end of the day, it's YOUR goal, and you have to stay true to yourself. Always consider the source of any feedback you receive, I’m not easily influenced by someone I wouldn't want to trade places with. It's important to tune out the negativity around you, because if it penetrates your soul, then you lose. Goals have to be self-fueled, and driven forward. If your circumstances hinder you from achieving at the moment, then cultivate the skills you need that will help you in the future. Spend your time perfecting your craft, study, practice, research, and network with like-minded individuals. Subjecting yourself to a state of paralysis every time someone isn't supporting you creates an idle mind, the devil's workshop.
Black folks don't support each other because we don't believe in each other, or ourselves. Not everybody believed in freedom, either. We see a black person make it, and we think they sold out to the illuminati so we don't support them. It's almost like we don't believe in anything that isn't tied to the struggle; we don't believe we are worthy of anything other than that. There is power in numbers and unity. We have to believe in one another; stop leaving every man out for themselves.
People are also more willing to help those who help themselves. The success of our culture starts with us individually then collectively. My grandma used to say begging will make people hate to see you coming. The more self-sufficient you are, the more you will influence others to want to show interest, and support, maybe even offer you some help. There are plenty of black folks who love to pour their resources into other black folks who are doing something great. Just receive the support abundance to pay it forward and increase the cycle that will influence the state of our culture positively.
